Do you like to be surprised?

[Unorthodox]

Subject.


Movies, birthday, Holidays. 

Do you like to be surprised? 

Personally, I tend to hate it. 

The boss and kids are bound and determined to surprise me this year, to which I'm expected to just grin and bear it.
hEt knows I really dislike the whole idea of a surprise.  I don't care if it's a "Good" surprise or not, the very fact it's being presented as a surprise instead of just telling me causes undo anxiety on my part. 

Cant exactly put a finger on WHY, but it gets worse the older I get.  Likely ties into the whole thing where I really have issues with social engagements that I do not control as well. 

[Lorizael]

No, definitely don't like surprises. They force me to have sudden, genuine, socially appropriate responses to whatever I'm being surprised with, which is something I don't do very well. Always worried that I'm going to have an incorrect or inauthentic response, so I just end up being very awkward overall.

[Buster's Uncle]

I'm sorta indifferent in principle - in practice, my family tends not to get my tastes at all; not the good sort of surprise.

[Rusty Edge]

Yes, usually.

It always seemed like work provides so many unpleasant surprises in our lives that the pleasant ones help to bring balance to the universe.

 Easier said than done. I used to maintain a wish/gift list, which everybody ignored. Getting stuff I never wanted only contributes to the household clutter. Granted, getting stuff I do want contributes to it as well, and I may not be able to use it every year because we have kittens or house guests or aren't home for the weather window of usefulness. I guess that at this point in my life I already have what I need, and anything else is situational.

My wife once got me an autographed script ( it was a charity auction thing) from the Incredibles movie. It makes me happy simply to remember that I have it. Probably the best surprise I've ever had.  I'm not sure exactly where it is, I have a good  idea, but in a house fire I would be too busy saving pets to worry about stuff anyway.

A lot of times my wife is shopping online and asks me if I like this shirt, or if I already have something. Then it shows up as a birthday/Christmas anniversary gift months later. So it doesn't come as a great surprise, and it isn't something I desire, but it's acceptable. A few Christmases ago I got some American Tourister Disney luggage. I was happy with the plain old Samsonite I already had. A couple Christmases ago I got a new bath robe, which I didn't need either. Last Christmas my gifts included the Instapot. I had an oil-core slow cooker which I was pleased with and knew how to use.  Earlier this year I asked her why she gets me this stuff I don't ask for. "Because I know you'll use it,"she said.

Well, as per usual- she's right. I love the luggage because I've never seen another set of it anywhere. Easy to spot on the carosel and to describe to the lost luggage department or bell services. As for the bath robe, I just retired one this week, so I was prepared. I was slow to try the Instapot, but I love making soups from scratch with it now. I'm trying something new today.

But ideally, I'd like to get one thing I asked for, one thing that's a pleasant surprise, and the rest can be stuff I didn't want, isn't a surprise, but I'll eventually use.


My latest surprise was a massage my wife arranged for me as a thank you for filling in and taking her mother to a wind ensemble performance. My wife was supposed to take her to the concert. I try to avoid live musical performances because they rub my face in my lost hearing- watching from the 3rd row to see a flute section feature being played, but not hearing
much of anything. So an unpleasant surprise with a pleasant one. I'm glad we can work together as a team to do what needs to be done, and that my contributions are appreciated.

[Unorthodox]

That's probably the problem this year as what I wanted was 'nothing, put it all towards the pithenge'.  That wasn't good enough as "you need something under the tree".  Which I don't get and don't care about.   

[Spacy]

I am pretty sure I got a 9' tall T-Rex skelly from Home Depot this  year..... so varies depending on the type. 

Usually if I want something I just save and make it happen.  So, surprising me with gifts is usually a loose loose proposition.  But, sometimes it works out well. 

[Geo]

It's not really I dislike surprises, but I simply don't need them.
If I want something, eventually I'll get it. There's about nobody who knows what I like anyway so any effort on their part is lost.

[Elok]

I think what I like best about surprise presents (as opposed to things I asked for) is the way they imply that the giver knows me well enough to know what I'd like better than I do myself.  That's rather flattering, the knowledge that they pay that much attention to my likes and dislikes.  If it's a dud surprise (why did you think I'd like that?) it's still nice that they bothered to put in the effort, assuming it shows some misguided effort.  If it's something completely random and bizarre that doesn't correlate with my personality in any way, I suppose there's some gag value there.  So the value of the surprise, you might say, is in the concentrated barrage of your relatives revealing how much thought they put into making you happy.

If you're utterly inscrutable and hard to shop for, of course, that's going to make it harder.  It sounds like what bugs you guys most is not the surprise per se, but not knowing how to react to bad gift ideas.

[Buster's Uncle]

I think you are not entirely wrong.

[Rusty Edge]

  So the value of the surprise, you might say, is in the concentrated barrage of your relatives revealing how much thought they put into making you happy.

If you're utterly inscrutable and hard to shop for, of course, that's going to make it harder.  It sounds like what bugs you guys most is not the surprise per se, but not knowing how to react to bad gift ideas.

For me the giving is the best part of Christmas, but my wife ( who loves to shop ) has sort of taken that over. So this year the only gift I chose was the one to her ( see the cat thread. Simple and expensive at the same time ).  It's being heralded as the "best Christmas gift EVER!"

Actually, one in-law stopped exchanging gifts. The other chose well this year. But, you're right Elok, I need to do better at reacting to bad gifts. That is a key. Well, knowing that is the key.

[Lorizael]

It sounds like what bugs you guys most is not the surprise per se, but not knowing how to react to bad gift ideas.

I'm sure that's part of it, but it's much broader for me. For example, sometimes it's not immediately obvious what a present is while you're opening it, which means you have to spend some time looking at/reading it to figure it out. But all that looks like to the gifter is you staring wordlessly at the gift. Then by the time you figure out what it is, even if it's good, it's too late to be all like "oh wow this is wonderful I love it" because your response is delayed and couldn't possibly come across as genuine.

[Unorthodox]

If you're utterly inscrutable and hard to shop for, of course, that's going to make it harder.  It sounds like what bugs you guys most is not the surprise per se, but not knowing how to react to bad gift ideas.

Good or bad doesn't matter to me.  The discomfort of being the center of attention and expected to react at all is enough.  Coupled with mild annoyance of ignoring "nothing, I'd rather spend that money on the spring project" as a valid desire.